I call it "Mary Lou’s Prescription." She’s Mary Lou Carter from Fayetteville, North Carolina, and this is her story (as she told it a few years ago to the editors of Our Sunday Visitor, a national Catholic newspaper):

For me, Christmas is no longer that once-a-year time with decorated trees, carols, shopping, gifts, parties, and, oh yes, when Jesus comes for an hour at Christmas Mass. Christmas now is a time to work at seeing Christ in others; to share the joys and especially the sorrows of others; and to wish for all people, brothers and sisters in Christ, His peace and love, the greatest of gifts, for every single day."

Today is Gaudete Sunday. Gaudete in Latin means, "Rejoice!" The third candle—the pink one—is lit this Sunday to remind us that Advent is more than half over and that the joyful celebration of our Lord’s birth is getting ever closer.

And yet for many, like Mary Lou Carter, painful memories surface at this time of year—memories of sufferings experienced in the near or distant past, which make it extremely difficult to rejoice.

But Mary Lou has made the most of her inner pain. In struggling to deal with the death of her son, she’s discovered the formula—what I would call "the prescription"—for a meaningful Advent and Christmas season. She shares it with us in the last few lines of her testimony. And, not surprisingly, it’s very different from the prescription the world encourages us to follow each December.

The first step in Mary Lou’s prescription is to "work at seeing Christ in others." When a person is able to recognize the presence of Christ in someone else, he or she will be moved to rejoice. Mother Teresa certainly had this ability, which is why she was such a joyful person. But it’s not always easy to see the Lord in others, is it? As Mary Lou reminds us, it really is something we must WORK at! If we don’t work at it, it won’t happen. But we can’t work at it alone, or we’ll surely fail! We must work at it with God’s help, which obviously means we must pray. Face it, without prayer you’ll never be able to see Christ present in your sloppy, vulgar, lazy co-worker! All you’ll be conscious of is his filthy appearance, his dirty mouth and his lazy attitude. But with the grace of God which comes through prayer, your perspective can change.

So here, in step 1, Mary Lou is implying that this season should be, above all else, a prayerful season.

Contrast this to what I would call "step 1 of the world’s prescription for a meaningful holiday season." Oh sure, the world also tells us that we should work during this time of year, but its message to us is: "Work at having yourself a good time, and work at indulging yourself on life’s pleasures. That’s what’s most important. And if you have to use some mind-altering substance or even another person to achieve your goal, so be it. But remember to stay sober long enough to beat everyone else to the checkout counter at WalMart on the day of the big sale. Work very hard at your shopping. Remember to buy the most stuff at the cheapest prices in the shortest amount of time—even if you’re blood pressure goes through the roof in the process!"

Oh joy! Sounds like great fun to me.

Which brings us to step 2 of Mary Lou’s prescription: "To share the joys and especially the sorrows of others." Here she implies that she uses her experience of loss to help others cope with their pain and suffering. And how satisfying and rewarding that must be for her! Since 1985 (the year she lost her son), she’s probably said to many friends, acquaintances, and even strangers, "I understand what you’re going through at this time of year; I’ve been there—but there’s hope! Remember why Jesus Christ came to this earth 2,000 years ago."

People who use their pain to help others in pain are living proof of the truth of Romans 8:28: "For those who love God, all things work together for good." All things—even the trials of life.

For Mary Lou, step 2 involves sharing. Now that’s exactly the opposite of what the world tells us in step 2 of its prescription. The world says, "If you want joy at this time of year, please don’t worry about anyone else’s sorrows. For heaven’s sake, you’ve got more than enough of your own! That’s why you need to treat yourself well, and get out and celebrate as much as possible. It will help you forget about your problems—at least for a few hours. Let others deal with their own difficulties."

Which brings us to step 3 of Mary Lou’s prescription: "to wish for all people, brothers and sisters in Christ, His peace and love, the greatest of gifts, for every single day." "All" is the key word in that line. All means EVERYBODY without exception! That means it includes people whom we have offended as well as people who have offended us. To fulfill this step, therefore, it’s obviously necessary to forgive and to be forgiven.

That’s why Confession is most appropriate at this time of year. (On that note, have you been yet?) I’ll bet Mary Lou receives the sacrament of Reconciliation at least once every Advent, so that she can wish for all people (even her enemies) God’s peace and love.

As for the world, its message to us in this area is simply this: "Wish blessings on those who are nice to you; wish evil on those who aren’t—because they certainly deserve it! And let it all begin in the mall parking lot! If someone cuts you off this holiday season, get mad; get real mad; and (if you can do it without getting arrested) make you sure you get even!"

Is it any wonder that so many Catholics who are currently following the world’s prescription will freak out when they hear St. Paul’s words to them in today’s second reading: "Brothers and sisters, rejoice always!"?

They’ll say in their hearts (if not out loud), "Are you crazy, Paul? How can I rejoice when I have to deal with that sloppy, vulgar, unreliable co-worker every day? How can I rejoice when I’ve got all this shopping and cooking and wrapping to do? How can I possibly rejoice when such bad things happen to me and my friends at this time of year? How can I rejoice when I’m so angry with my brother and my sister-in-law?"

Only those who follow Mary Lou’s prescription will understand how rejoicing is possible in December, amidst all the hustle and bustle—and the sorrow.

In today’s first reading from Isaiah 61 it says, "I rejoice heartily in the Lord, in my God is the joy of my soul."

The joy that Mary Lou Carter finds at this time of year, she finds in the Lord—in the Lord who loves her; in the Lord who gives her strength; in the Lord who came to this earth and died on a Cross so that she could be reunited with her son, Mark, in a life that will never end.