The following is an excerpt from a letter I received a couple of months ago:

Perhaps you are getting too much sea air while you run down the beach, and it has interfered with your thought process. But understand this: as long as I and my sister live, we shall never forget your coldness toward this baby. You are the biggest disappointment I have ever had the displeasure of knowing. And you preach the Word of God?

It’s so nice to be loved!

I share this "Fr. Ray Fan Club" letter with you today because this is the type of situation which presents itself in every Catholic parish from time to time—and we need to be clear about what the Church teaches on the matter!

First of all, let’s look at today’s Gospel parable from Matthew 22. A king arranges a great marriage feast for his son, and in his profound generosity he invites many people to the celebration. Some openly refuse the invitation, others ignore it or attack the king’s servants, and one man attempts to come in without proper attire. About the latter, Jesus says this: "But when the king came in to meet the guests, he saw a man there not dressed in a wedding garment. The king said to him, ‘My friend, how is it that you came in here without a wedding garment?’ But he was reduced to silence. Then the king said to his attendants, ‘Bind his hands and feet, and cast him into the darkness outside, where there will be wailing and grinding of teeth.’"

Obviously this wedding garment is extremely important!

The king in the parable is God the Father; the Son is Jesus our Savior; the wedding feast is the eternal kingdom of heaven. And what is the wedding garment? Simply put, it’s the grace of baptism PRESERVED! It’s not simply the grace of baptism; rather it’s the grace of baptism which is preserved through a life of charity! As every good Catholic knows, sanctifying grace—the grace we receive into our souls when we’re baptized—can be lost through mortal sin. Consequently, receiving this grace isn’t sufficient in and of itself. If we want to get to heaven, we need to make sure this grace remains in our soul—and, if we lose it, we must have it restored (which, under ordinary circumstances, happens in and through the sacrament of confession).

In the ceremony of baptism, when an infant is clothed in the white garment (which usually looks like a bib), the priest says these words to the child: "You have become a new creation, and have clothed yourself in Christ. See in this white garment the outward sign of your Christian dignity. With your family and friends to help you by word and example, bring that dignity unstained into the everlasting life of heaven."

Now I ask you today: What chance does a child have of bringing his Christian dignity "unstained" into the eternal wedding banquet—what chance does a child have of preserving his baptismal grace through a life of charity—if his parents don’t believe?—if his parents are totally disconnected from the Church, and have no serious intention of ever trying to live the Catholic faith?

Answer: Little to none at all.

This is why Jesus said to his disciples in Matthew 28: "Go, therefore, and make disciples of all the nations. Baptize them in the name ‘of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.’ [And] teach them to carry out everything I have commanded you." Notice he added this instruction to "teach." His point was, "Teach these newly baptized by your words—and more importantly by your example—so that they will preserve the grace of their baptism unto eternity."

That’s what Catholic parents are supposed to do for their children! That’s part and parcel of their vocation!

I honestly do not recall all the details of the situation described in that woman’s letter; but, quite frankly, it sounds all too familiar: Parents come to the priest requesting baptism for their child. They make the request like they would ask for a hamburger at Burger King. That is to say, they want the priest to provide a service for them—period. And they will jump through whatever hoop you ask them to jump through—as long as it doesn’t involve living as Catholics! Ask them to do anything but that! And when you do your best to invite them to a change of heart, they show no willingness to modify their attitudes or their behavior.

So what is a priest to do in such circumstances?

Well, thankfully, the Church has a clear teaching on the matter. What I am about to read to you comes from a document entitled, "Instruction on Infant Baptism," by the Sacred Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith; approved by His Holiness, Pope John Paul II, October 20, 1980. I share this with you so that you are clear about what the Church actually says on this issue—which is to be distinguished from what certain priests and theologians may say.

In section 28 we are told: "Assurances must be given that the gift [the gift of sanctifying grace] thus granted can grow by an authentic education in the faith and Christian life, in order to fulfill the true meaning of the sacrament. As a rule, these assurances are to be given by the parents or close relatives, although various substitutions are possible within the Christian community. But if these assurances are not really serious there can be grounds for delaying the sacrament; and if they are certainly non-existent the sacrament should even be refused."

Fr. Ray obeys the Church.

Catholic parents should want their children to be part of the eternal wedding banquet of the Great King’s Son. That should be their greatest desire for them! If they make the mistake of having their children baptized and then abandoning them to the world, they undermine the beautiful gift of salvation which God bestows upon their sons and daughters in this essential sacrament.